Got my back

I enter into all that's around - let it flow through me
tension flow out
stay out - no mirrors behind me
reflect back,  my mirror - a foil shield
deflect, protect, tear away

Perfection wait on an open palm

For a moment I could consider the fact that the strive for perfection is needed in our lives. For how would we learn and grow and feel satisfaction if we do not learn to acquire mastery of a chosen skill?

From birth it is our mothers who so often engage in us the need to be perfect. They want the best in us, and strive to push us into a direction of perfection. But for some, having to be ‘perfect’ injects fear into even starting. We fear taking that risk into the unknown, fear making mistakes leading to failure and fear that we will be compared to somebody better and so we even start to doubt our own abilities. We stop ourselves to such an extent that we enter a state of denial and even stop engaging the thought that life could be more meaningful if we pursued that activity or that path we had always wanted to pursue.

Some people are able to overcome their fears. Therefore, striving for perfection is a goal they work towards. Is striving for perfection healthy for these people when it acts as a goal - an end to the means? I guess it is if we don’t forget that it is the means to the end that can give us great satisfaction and make our lives meaningful. If we subconsciously bypass the means we come to an end i.e. perfection the end of a journey without really having travelled that journey.

So can we only experience satisfaction through achieving perfection? Can happiness only be found in mastery of a certain skill? Can we not be happy and satisfied with less than perfect?

Forget the end I say, let’s focus on the path…everything we do on this path, given we apply full integrity and attention to our activities, can be meaningful. A tune played on one string of a guitar can be tuneful to the ear if we give it all we have. Does it mean we become ‘perfect’ guitarists? No it means we bring meaning to each activity and enjoy stopping by and smelling each flower along our path. A scribble that fills a piece of paper can be meaningful and insightful if we are our integral selves.

Mastery create no more longing
Awareness open my wings
Perfection wait on my open palm
Integrity give me your energy
Humble creations may they be revealed

I‘ve just found this quote by Helen Keller who seems to be able to put everything I’ve just said into two sentences…Love it!

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker. ~Helen Keller

Laughter the best medicine...

The screenplay writers for The Proposal must have had the best time ever writing that screenplay. I can just see them brainstorming a list of funny scenarios and then weaving a story around it to keep the viewers laughing almost non-stop for 90 mins. What a fun job that must have been. For sure this has to be a successful film in terms of writers being able to communicate their thoughts in a very natural and lucid way and an audience being able to immerse into the flow of events as it transpired into moving pictures on the screen.

It's a bit like being a teacher; one feels as if they are on stage but of course one is not acting (unless they have had a sleepless night the night before and has had to wear a mask-the physical kind sunglasses and a hat to hide bags under the eyes not to mention the bad hair day and of the non-physcial kind: a mask to supress one's real feelings and elevate oneself to an energetic level) and the more natural we are ourselves, the more spontaneity and laughter flows. So a teacher doesn't always write their screenplay beforehand and more often than not the teacher with no masks is able to engage the minds of their charges and together everyone enjoys a memorable experience. One such episode occurred in a couple of classes last week when I introduced Public Information Systems as our next topic and teacher and students were in fits of laughter on saving different versions of their work as it progressed using the acronym that the tongue in cheek title gives. I am sure they will not forget this lesson!

Uncontollable waves of laughter has got to be the best medicine in teaching as well as in our lives, and the more spontaneous and unplanned the laughter the more joyful and memorable becomes the experience. I will not forget the 'patchouli' experience and the play on words with noone knowing what anyone was talking about and the uncontrollable laughter that resulted...

Going back to Sandra Bullock, my favourite part or should I say the most memorable part for me was the eagle, dog and phone scene. Bizarrre and surreal but oh so real!!! How many of us could relate to this incident...I certainly can...I knew which I would give to the bird! The dog or my phone!! I laughed uncontrollably...yes, I admit - I am one of those people 'married' not to my phone (as was suggested to me the other day), but to the people connected to my phone! But yes, I can laugh it off, knowing full well that on the surface it appears that technology runs my life but in all certainty it is only a tool - an extension of the pen and paper, an extension of the self that is always reachable connecting outwards as reciprocating loved ones share their thoughts and feelings inwards. Technology doesn't have to be dehumanising as symbolised by Sandra Bullock's power status character, if we use it to extend ourselves in a positive manner, if we use it sensitively given its potential to address a mass audience, and if we continue to be our integral selves.

May laughter always surround us...

Teachers are learners too...

It was great to be back in class today...familiar faces, eager smiles, a sharing environment - younger and older students wanting to know about my holidays and how my art had progressed and the older students asking questions about their coursework and listening so that they can immerse into producing the best work they can...

Teaching is a partnership and I don't know who learns most, whether it is the teacher or the student who does most of the learning. It's amazing when you are able to speak to a class and you see their minds thinking as you speak; it makes you think about yourself and whether what you are sharing with them is helpful to your own growth as an individual. You see them listening and then you find yourself listening not only to them but also to yourself.

For one of the assessment tasks students are required to keep a record of the project they are about to manage. We were discussing the pros and cons of developing a Gantt Chart in a speadsheet as was done in previous years. I had noted that they had done a rushed job to fill in all the boxes of the work completed after the project was completed and not before, during and after as is expected to keep a detailed account of work in progress. Apart from using project management software, I suggested to students that they use a blog...to keep a record of progress with screenshots and video/audio attachments. They looked at me in disbelief without saying anything...Noting their disappointment, I asked what had not worked for them and they had almost unanimously stated that the constant writing up and the embarrassment that anyone in the world could read their boring blogs about a 'perfect' project they had to do to pass a course was fake and not representative of their real feelings. They felt as if they had to cover their real feelings and not present the frustrations that they often underwent to solve problems in ICT.

I was speaking to a Facebook generation here, a place where feelings are exposed, frustrations vented, joys expressed, where people get to know each other from the inside out first before the the outside in - where it is easier to reveal onself through writing and sharing emoticons than bonding on a physical level.

So I said, why do we wear masks...why can we not be ourselves when we are writing up our projects...why can't we say how frustrating it was to secure an interview with the interviewee one day then express our delight when it was secured the following day?

A student remarked that they do not feel free because grammar has to be used appropriately and it's not the normal way they would write; that they can't express their own individuality and personality when they are being forced to write in a certain manner.

So I asked if they speak in the same manner to their mum or teacher as they would their friends...and yes we managed to come to an understanding of the issues surrounding formality and informality and having a sense of purpose and a sense of audience.

Can we not be ourselves if we are feeling restrained by societal conventions and formalities...but surely we always need to be mindful of being kind and be fully aware of how much we listen to others and respect them for what they bring to a relationship? Aren't these virtues part of our innate being, our very existence that we either fully embrace or shut down and choose not to listen to?

While these thoughts were racing round in my head, we agreed that we would blog our progress, that we would speak for ourselves from ourselves, that we would unpeel all our masks, reveal all our being and let our personalities shine. We shall respect and embrace each individual, each frustration, each hope, each joy in a manner that is mindful of the others with whom we work, for whom we work and for ourselves...

I look forward to reading the project blogs this year...

Manmade, instense, and it continues...

A dear friend spent some of her summer holiday in Palestine with a group of volunteers from the UK, Germany, Canada and Dubai to witness and document first-hand the people and their living culture suspended in time. Emotional wounds take generations to heal...why do we so often forget the human element in this struggle for power?

Zyara Palestine 2009


Source: Photo collage by Maitha Bin Demithan

Generations lost makes for an excellent screenplay...

How to live our dreams...

Further to the question I posted yesterday, 'If you had all the money in the world, where do you see yourself? What would you be doing with your life?' I've had many more responses which for reasons of anonymity I shall post here. They hold a certain fascination for me because they are dreams which are held very dear to the people asked and because they speak of such integrity. There seems to be a thread common to many, that of sharing and giving and yet each embraces a unique approach as varied as the different personalities that are represented by each need to live life to the fullest.

' I would spend more time at home and with all the people that I love.'

'Does the survey point to Materialism or spirituality? I guess that's the point: Materialism = Its been never about money for me - I have never been the one to chase expensive cars! If I had access to all the money in the world I would not be able to cope..I'd hire Kofi Annan as my PA (you see I wouldn't give him complete control, despite his credentials - as the adage goes Absolute power currupts absolutely) Spirituality = And this is esoterically...I guess I'd like to act, I seem to have a flair for the theatrical!!'

'That's easy. Money doesn't bring happiness but lack of money for essentials brings misery so:
I would have a small, manageable house in UK near family, maybe in the Vale of Belvoira flat and a house in Scotland, one in Edinburgh and one further northa croft on Sanday in Orkneya place in France which would be a hotel/B and B/guest house/language centrea house in France for mea house in Italy for meall the above to be shared with friends and family

A car that is reliable, not necessarily flash but no reason to skimp if I have pots of cash
I would ensure that all my brothers and sisters and their kids are all financially secure - no mortgage, a property each, a car, but not millions in cash as that would ruin their lives
And then I would do whatever charity or voluntary work makes the most difference within my area of expertise, enjoy the different countries and try to share this with family and friends. I would also set up some businesses because it's important to create good jobs and give people a future.
BUT... I think it would be better not to have a lot of money because it would be hard to know who really is your friend.
Oh, and I would have two golden labradors.....'

'I want to help women, I'm just not sure how.'

'A mad woman in the french alps surrounded by dogs. And shoes.'

'big house on a hill, couple of horses, river, lake and a place where I could put my ideas to life... liquid propulsion, hydrolic bike, window cleaning crawlers, induction lighting, tree planting robots, crops robots, 3D colour holograms, global air purification, cancer nanorobots, airplane and buildings safety escape pods'

'I would help the needy and buy myself a nice studio in Austria somewhere in the mountains. I would also donate funds to the enviroment.'

'I would probably be travelling the world and doing charity work in lots of different countries and looking after orphaned children in less economically developed countries in Africa, Thailand and South America. I love learning about cultures, languages and engaging with new people and seeing historical things. I couldn't live in a harsh environment for too long and I'd raise awareness for cancer research in more economically developed countries. I'd support orphaned elephants and I'd teach people to dance.'

An 'aha' moment

I’ve had a thought… an ‘aha’ moment…(now that’s a good name for a blog ~ Ania’s ‘aha’ moment blog~). We often say an art viewer might look at a piece of art work and see a part of themselves in the work. They will interpret the artist’s work in light of their own experiences. They shall see reflections of their experiences in the artist’s work. The artist might not had ever intended to convey the message or symbol read by the viewer but their experience interprets what they see in an art work.
Similarily, can we not say that when we meet another person or come to know another person that our subconscience decides if we like this person or not based on reflections of our own personal (and I would say emotional) experiences. If we like a person is it because we see our own love, happiness and joy reflected in the other person? If we take a dislike to another is it because we see our own failings in the other person? Does it not follow then that if others are unkind to us they are merely seeing reflections of themselves? And for the people who are always kind they see only kindness in the other? So if you are experiencing or suffering from others' negative behaviours perhaps look at your surroundings. Change them if you can and work with others who have a positive outlook on life and they shall see only positvie things about you and accept you for whom you are .

Thinking vs doing

Maybe I should start by blogging my thoughts…what will I call my blog? I deliberately called it Ania in action to motivate me to action! Action of what sort? I’m a busy teacher right? All teachers are full of action, forever meeting deadlines and churning out reports, marking and preparing lessons. And we still try to squeeze all our personal activities to fit into a day. So yes, I am action woman :P…today I was told I was super woman, not quite sure why...I should’ve asked for clarification…
So here I am thinking and not doing…the purpose of this blog was to record all my ‘doings’. But which doings are these? After all I teach, I prepare worksheets, interactive whiteboard activities, displays…anything worth recording?…hmmmm not so sure….and then there’s my personal development and interests. So just what do I do that’s worth recording? I guess time will tell.

So full circle and I’m back to thinking… maybe I need a thinking blog and I need a doing blog
~ Ania's THINKING blog ~ and ~ Ania's DOING Blog ~ It has been suggested to me that all should go into one as it will be easier to maintain and work on one blog. Therefore, if I heed advice it will be a mishmash but maybe that’s who I am right? A mishmash - Ania’s thinking doing mishmash blog…